Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
