yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
