We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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