Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
