I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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