Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
