I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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