why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
