We're facebook friends in real life
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I look better un-naked...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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