I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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