I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
