Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
