For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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