Need sex. Gaining weight.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
