I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
