Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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