My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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