he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
