so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
