apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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