and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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