She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
