Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
