we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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