i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
