youre lurking in front of me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
