Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
