he puts the penis in happiness.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How does one acquire holy water?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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