Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
