CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
