1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
