and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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