I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
