I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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