I got chris browned last night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
