Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
