cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
