Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
