your room smells of hookers.
And success
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
