gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
