just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
