I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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