So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
