Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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