are you still at the devil's house?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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