Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
