That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
