Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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