he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am naked and annoyed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize