I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
