Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
