what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
