Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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