can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize