I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
