Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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