I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
