Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
