I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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