its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
