just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
