I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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