No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
