my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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