Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
