Nicole vs. Life
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
