Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
