STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize