just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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