she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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