we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
