rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
