I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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