I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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