im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
