he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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