The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
