I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
