I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
