Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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