New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize