am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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