all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
