sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
