my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
