Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
