Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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