Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
