I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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