I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
