I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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