This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
