As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
