Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
