I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need to align my fucking chakras
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