Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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