Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
