I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
