He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize