you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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