I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
