it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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