She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
