sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize