I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
